Summer movie update: Transformers and Fantastic Four

I have decided that film critics get a kick out of saying bad things about a movie - regardless of whether they're true.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer didnt' suck. However, it needed another half hour for character development and a serious kick to the head for whomever thought a "sky car that splits in to four pieces" was a good idea.


The real gem (so far) this summer is Transformers.

Here's my review:

omigod omigod omigod!!

That was 2 hours and 20 minutes of AWESOME!!

Okay, now for something less fanboyish:

Visually, Dreamworks and ILM are just magic together. Michael Bay did an incredible job directing this thing.

First things first; the corn factor: you expect a movie based on an 80s cartoon series based on toys to be corny. There wasn't any of that. Well, there was a teeny bit when Jazz opened his mouth (but who didn't expect that? He's JAZZ.) But it fit in with the script: "We learned your language from the world wide web." Well, the "searching the house while Autobots wait outside" scene was corny but amusing. It worked for me.

Visuals? This looked even better than the new Star Wars franchise, and that's saying a lot, since the Phantom Menace was the first movie ever to use CGI that was virtually indistinguishable from reality. The giant robots, airplanes, and Other Cool Stuff in this film were also so real that I now take a second look whenever I see semi trucks, yellow Camaros, or even F-22's.

Action? Yes. In fact, it was literally jaw-dropping. Several times, I had to close my mouth to stop catching flies.

Dialog? Well written. Well acted. Never did if feel like a cartoon re-make; it felt original all the way through.

Plot? It's not purist fare: the human characters from the tv series aren't there; instead we have the 16 year old great-grandson of an arctic explorer discovering that we're not alone in the universe in the most dramatic fashion possible: by almost being squished to a pulp by some of that extraterrestrial life. The Cube or Allspark (depending on who talks about it) is lost, and the Deceptacons and Autobots are competing to see who can find it first. The Allspark is what birthed the Transformers in the first place; Megatron wants to use it to birth a new race of robots on the Earth - a race that will be subservient to him. Optimus Prime wants to use it to restore Cybertron, or failing that - destroy it.

You see, the problem with using the Allspark to make new Transformers is that they tend to be destructive when born. Don't ask me why some are good and other aren't, but ALL of the robots seem to have two traits in common: they adapt, and they're STRONG. Even a dog-sized robot (that transforms in to a boombox and later a portable phone) is capable of terrorizing and taking out several well-armed professionals. Imagine the mayhem that ensues when the 50-foot tall variety get in to it.

I think that the screen writers answered all my questions about Transformer life: why "transformers" in the first place? Why are they alive? Why can they be killed (you'd think that a robot, being a mobile computer, could just be downloaded or restored from a backup.) Well, it turns out that the previously mentioned allspark imbues electronic devices with LIFE, and not just the mechanical simulation of life; they are really alive and can be killed. Once their spark goes out, they cannot be reborn - even if their bodies are repaired.

And yes - they did leave the door open for a sequel, which I'm sure will be forthcoming in 2010 or so.

I did notice one continuity lapse... it has to do with worldwide computer viruses and F-22 raptors. But considering the fact that I didn't think about it until the next day, it wasn't glaring. (and it's even explainable... but that's a topic for another day.)



I tend to rate movies by "will I buy it on DVD, and will I get the Special Edition?"

F4? I'll get it, along with the first one, but only if I can find them on sale. But I'll buy Transformers the day it comes out, and yes - I'll be getting the Special Edition with all the extra features.